Alice's Restaurant ~ Dishin' Up Food for Thought

Alice's Restaurant ~ Dishin' Up Food for Thought ~~~ A place to share what I am thinking, reading, feeling & contemplating as I travel on this journey called life.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Time for a CHANGE...

...a BIG Change!

As many of you know
I have taken a self-imposed break from Facebook
as I take care of me
and make things a little simpler for me
and to bring back
peace, joy & contentment 
into my life.

One of the ways I am doing this is  combining

my two blogs

Alice's Restaurant ~ Dishin' Up Food for Thought


The Wandering Workentins




Just click the link above
and you will find us.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Remembering, Thinking and Wondering

36 years ago today we buried our sweet precious Royce Alan.  He was only here with us for a few short days, 72 hours..not long enough.  Many times today found both Ron and I close to tears, hugging each other and tears flowing freely. 

We talked about taking off about 4 p.m. and going to get some balloons and letting them go down by Table Rock Lake.  Before we knew it, it was already 5 p.m.

We headed out go to get balloons but decided as late as it was we should get something to eat so we decided to go to 
for a drink and  an appetizer.  

Ron had a beer and I had a cranberry juice with raspberry vodka and we shared a sampler appetizer plate that came with two little burger sliders (mine had bacon & cheddar cheese AND Ron had pepperjack cheese) they were pretty tasty, also included on the plate were deep fried green beans and fries with bacon & was nice to sit, sharing some tasty food and talking about our boys.  All of them...Peter Edward Theodore who we lost at 21 1/2 weeks in utero,  Royce Alan who lived three short days and died from neonatal sepsis and a Class D infection, later finding out that half his brain had not developed, and Ronald James, Jr. and Brandon Michael.  Sharing some fun memories, sad memories and then got a text from Brandon and a phone call from thankful we are a part of their lives and they us.

And how blessed we are: both Jamie & Brandon are healthy, strong young men, each with their own sweet wife (we love our daughters-in-love Suzanne & Danalyn and are so thankful for them and who they are as individuals, wives and mommy's) and then our grandchildren...missing Emerald & Tory, our little angels in heaven and then our five grandchildren...Max who we can't believe will be in high school this year, Opal & Christopher both starting kindergarten this year, Treyson who is trying hard to be a big boy like his brothers and yet in some ways is still a toddler and then Alexander, hard to believe he is already seven months old and growing like a thankful that our grandchildren are healthy and bring such love and joy to their parents and all their grandparents.

We then headed to Dollar Tree to get some balloons...we wanted one mylar balloon and four white ones...but they did not have any regular latex balloons so we picked out five ballooons
 We love & miss you Royce and today is for you.
 Thinking of Brandon and his sport loving family and wondering if Royce would have played sports.
 Thinking of Jamie & Suzanne and their girls, Opal & Emerald and wondering if Royce would be married and have children of his own.
 Ron liked this...reminded us of the blue blanket & giraffe we tucked in with Royce when we said our final good-byes all those years ago.
And a silver one reflecting all our love for Royce, Jamie, Brandon and our whole family.

We went to the park where the river runs through and made our way down here

This little cove is so pretty and the water was rushing pretty quickly past.
I have always liked to be around water whether it be a lake, a river or the ocean as it is so peaceful.  And many times over the past 36 years we have made our way to find a place to let balloons go, go way up in the sky...but today would be different.

As we stood by the water 
we were swarmed by the mosquitos
and they were having a delightful dinner 
and it didn't feel very good to us so it was time to let the balloons go, go, go 
but they ended up here
 they got caught in the trees
 and while trying to grab the strings they got stuck in the tree
all five of them
and then the strings were too high for us to grab.
The ribbons sure look pretty and the wind was blowing a little bit
so we hope they made their way out into the open skies
as we made our way back to the Jeep
slapping at ourselves to kill those pesky mosquitoes
laughing and crying
thinking that our plan didn't exactly turn out the way we thought they would
and then realizing today is really no different than our lives
thinking and planning how we want things to turn out
but then seeing that sometimes things turn out differently than we anticipated
but through it all
God has been right here with us
every step of the way.
And believing that even though some days are hard that God works everything to good
and He knows what we need even if we think differently.
Though I may wonder why certain things happen and other things don't through it all 
God is Good..All the Time!!!
And though my heart is filled with sadness as I reflect back 36 years it is also filled with joy and blessings and is reflected in Jamie & Brandon 
and their families
and the strength of our marriage...38 years this coming December
and I can say without a doubt

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Strange & Yet Comforting Dream

I woke with tears running down my cheeks and yet feeling very warm and comfortable.  Usually tears means I have had one of my night terrors but last night was a bit different.

Scene:  standing in the office with Jw (our workamper) and someone else (a lady I didn't recognize) and as I turned around my Mom came out from behind Jw to surprise me with her presence.  Needless to say I was shocked to see her.  She passed away in 2005.  We have not always had the easiest of relationships.  Seeing her was a shock but what followed next was more shocking...she walked up to me and took my face in her hands and kissed each of my cheeks.  And then she hugged me.  

And I felt comforted that she was there with me.

This is and has been a hard week for me for many years and most of the time I feel so alone emotionally.   Don't get me wrong, Ron is always supportive of me and nurtures me through many different situations and I have many friends and family who love and encourage me during this time and for that I am very thankful yet it is an aloneness that is hard to describe in words.

Even hours later I feel a tingly warmth and that my relationship with my Mom just healed a bit more.

And for that I am thankful.

I have been missing my Mom a lot this week, thinking about her relationship with me, with my boys, with Ron (he was her favorite and she let him do things that we couldn't do like drive her Cadillac) and wishing that things would/could have been different.

My dream feels like my Mom was letting me know that even though we had some rough times she did love me, even when I questioned a lot of our relationship.

Been thinking of my bestie, Dee as she is remembering her mom as yesterday was her birthday and this is the first birthday without her mom who went home to be with Jesus earlier this past February.  HUGS to you my sweet friend as you think about your mom and how you have celebrated her birthday in the past.  Love you and praying for you.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Secrets and Stuff

This is the verse that greeted me.  
And it made me think about something I have heard over the years...IF you knew everything that was going to happen to you in life you would stop, turn tail and then run like the dickens.
Isn't that the truth.

There are many things I have dealt with over the years that have been hard and I would not have wanted to go through or deal with BUT if I avoided them how different my life would be.

For instance...if I had known the abuse that I would suffer by moving to Las Vegas with my mom and not gone there...I would never have met Ron...the love of my life, the man who has shared so many memories with me, the good and the bad.  And I just can't and don't even want to  know what my lie would have been like if we had never met.

IF I had known that Royce was going to do die, would I have chosen not to have children...that is sad because I would have missed out on so many blessings...Jamie & Brandon and the life we have shared as a family.  The joys of seeing each of them with their sweet loves, Suzanne & Danalyn.  And then of course our five most precious gifts ~ our grandchildren Max, Opal, Chris, Trey & Alex -- oh the joys and laughter we would have never had.

I could go on and on but I think you get the picture...sometimes it is better to step out in faith, into the unknown, TRUSTING God to keep His word. And which He has never failed me.

I am so thankful for the life I have...yes it has had twists and turns that I could not have imagined yet
I am so blessed 
for that
I am thankful!!

Friday, August 9, 2013

God Meets Me Right Where I Am

I say it often "I am always amazed how God meets me right where I am."  Not sure why I am amazed as He has never failed me, not once. 
 This morning was no different.

I woke with a headache, was going to get up at 5 a.m. to go and exercise...could hardly move my head hurt so bad, reset the alarm for 6 a.m., woke feeling like my head weighed a ton, got up took some Ibuprofen and made my way back to bed, reset the alarm for 7 a.m.  it went off and I just rolled over...woke up at 7:55, still had a headache but at least I could get up and move.  It was raining so decided we would skip the Farmers Market this morning...will go next Friday :)

I struggle with many is finding making time for the Lord.  My heart is in the right space but not always my actions.  This morning, not feeling well I picked up my Bible and my devotional book and this was the verse and it made me think of something else I struggle with - drinking water...water is boring, doesn't taste good YET when I drink water I find I want more water and that's how I am with the Word...when I go to the Word I want more of the Word.  I NEED the Word in my life just like I need water in my body...I have drank 1 bottle of water already today (it's just now 1 p.m.) and have started on the second goal is to drink 3 bottles of water each day.  So as I think on this verse and God's Word and needing it every day I am also thanking the Lord for letting me see the correlation of imbibing on God's Word  ~ the Living Water and drinking water to fuel my body.

Yesterday was our son, Jamie's 36th birthday.  This week each year is filled with tears of joy as we reflect on Jamie's life and how proud of the young man he has become.  He is a great son, maturing into a wonderful hubby to Suzanne and daddy to Opal.  He has a  great heart and works hard to support his little family, spending time with family and friends whenever he can.  We are so proud of him and so glad he is a part of our family and our son!!  
Happy Birthday Jamie!!!  
Even though I just don't understand how he can be was just a few days ago he began kindergarten...just can't figure out how he can be 36?????

And also tears of sadness as we remember Royce, our baby who lived three days.  Royce is Jamie's twin so we have always tried to spend August 8th celebrating Jamie.  We never have wanted Jamie to feel bad that he lived and Royce died...we may not understand why Royce didn't live (yes we know the medical reasons) we do go forward.  For some reason the past few days both Ron and I have been thinking a lot of what would life have looked like if Royce had lived.  Would he be married, would he too be a daddy?  Would he be married?  What would he have enjoyed doing?

And then this morning, my scripture reading was John 14:1-11 (this was shared by Pastor Adrian at Royce's funeral) and verse 2 jumped out at me:
and my heart was warmed to know that when Royce left us here on earth he was warmly welcomed by Jesus into heaven.  Today I imagine Royce being surrounded by both sets of his grandparents, Peggy & Ted and Pete & Anne and many other family members and friends who are no longer here with us.  I picture my friend, Lori who passed away in 1997...she was such a great mom, grandma and friend and I can see her cuddling Royce and though my heart aches for my loss I am so thankful that Royce is totally healed in God's presence and for that I can rejoice.

And then the Bible verse for today at 
Luke 12:6-7
and I am reminded that 
God Cares for Me
just the way I am 
with the joys and sadness 
with my headache still in full attack
and even though today I am not feeling well,
feeling overwhelmed, feeling like I can't get caught up on things
I think I will take some more ibuprofen, drink another bottle of water and get back to plugging along.

Hope each of you are having a great day!!!

I've shared about me today so you can pray ~ is there anything I can pray about for  you?